Each year, I like to choose a word as a theme for the year. I spend time reflecting over the past year, considering my hopes for the new year, and paying attention to what has been swimming around in my heart and soul. It’s not a magical word. It doesn’t manifest my reality. It’s simply an anchor to come back to again and again to remind me of how I discern God to be leading me.
This year, the word that I chose was Embrace. As I recently read back over a journal entry from January, I was reminded of what that word means for me. I desire to embrace what is good rather than dwelling on what is missing or lacking. I desire to embrace my limits. I desire to embrace my inner knowing. And I desire to embrace the journey.
What I’m learning is that grace and trust are inextricably linked with the ability to embrace what is. I must let go of the quest for perfection. I must release the expectations that I place on myself and others. I must allow the picture of how things “should” be to fade away in order to see the beauty of what lies before me. And I must believe that even if I let it all go, goodness will remain and perhaps something even greater than what I imagined will unfold.
So here I am in this new season of life, learning to embrace what is right now, pursuing new paths and allowing former roles and responsibilities to pass away, knowing that none of it is or was in vain. I’m embracing the contradiction of simultaneously pursing a diploma in spiritual direction and a certificate in small business bookkeeping and believing that these divergent paths can and will intertwine. I’m embracing the Nos that I have to say in order to give space for the Yeses that my soul leads me to. I’m embracing new dreams even when it means that other dreams have to lay dormant for a while. I’m embracing the winding journey of life and trusting that Spirit will continue to walk it with me in steadfast love and faithfulness.
And on that note of embracing what is, I’m aware that my writing has taken a back seat. Though it’s always been a struggle to get into a regular writing rhythm, my capacity to write has lessened even more over the past 6 months. In the midst of starting a new job, beginning 2 new educational programs, and holding space for my family and my community, I need to let go of the pressure that I put on myself to fit in a regular writing routine and figure out next steps in my writing journey. I do hope to still write from time to time as I feel the desire and to share those words with you, but I’m releasing all expectations of what that will look like.
For those of you who have supported my writing through paid subscriptions, thank you for believing that my words were worth investing in. I don’t take that lightly. I’ve turned off paid subscriptions for the time being and will be refunding those who already paid for this year. Your subscription will convert to a regular, free subscription so that you will still receive my writing, however infrequently it may arrive in your inbox.
Thank you all for sharing your precious time with me.