Dance with Abandon

On lessons from my daughter

Recently, my daughter, Ava, has been in the habit of going outside after dinner to dance and sing on the sidewalk. As I gaze at her through the window, it seems like she’s in her own world, unaware and unconcerned about who might be watching. There’s something so pure and sweet about this simple act.

I’m in awe of the freedom with which she moves, while at the same time I can’t deny that I fear such freedom. At ten years old, she’s on the verge of a new, complicated, confusing season of life. I’ve seen the change in her classmates over the last year, seen the ways that relational dynamics have shifted. And I worry. Will she stay true to who she is? Will she find belonging even as she resists the temptation to simply “fit in”? Will she feel the sting of rejection?

I don’t know at what age I learned to hide pieces of myself away in hopes of being accepted, but even as I approach 40, I’m still slowly unlearning that habit. I’ve feared rejection for too long, but I’ve come to see that losing myself to please others leaves a deeper scar. I pray that my sweet girl won’t fall into the same trap. I pray that instead of projecting my own insecurities onto her, that she will continue to show me how to be free. What a sweet gift it is when our children become our teachers.

Photo by Gabby Orcutt on Unsplash

Dance with Abandon

You dance with abandon
Unaccompanied by music
Letting a song flow from within
Without thought of eyes upon you
Without concern of ridicule

I admit that it scares me at times
To see you move with such freedom
To hear you make your own beat
Because I know the sting of rejection
And I don’t want you to feel it, too

But don’t let my fear cage you
Don’t let me be the one
To tame your wild and wonderful ways
Rather let me delight in your heart’s tune
Let me dance along in rhythm with you

You, my dear, are brilliant
You shine brighter than the stars
Radiating beauty from within
Inviting us all to have the courage
To dance with abandon

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

Book Recs

In honor of Pride month, I offer gratitude to my queer friends who have also taught me what it is to dance with abandon. I’ve seen the fruit that comes from wrestling with their identity and faith, trusting in the love and faithfulness of God, and embracing themselves as fearfully and wonderfully made. I see the beauty in the ways they live freely and honestly and I’ve received such grace from these friends that invites me to know and embrace myself as beloved.

I invite you to take some time this month to listen to the stories of queer folks. Whatever theology or worldview you may hold, there is something to be gained from bearing witness to others’ stories – both the beauty and the pain.

Here are a few suggestions from queer Christians who offer a variety of perspectives…

• Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays vs. Christians Debate by Justin Lee

• Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity by Gregory Coles

• Heavy Burdens: Seven Ways LGBTQ Christians Experience Harm in the Church by Bridget Eileen Rivera

Disclaimer: If you purchase a book from the affiliate links above, I will receive a small commission at no extra expense to you.

A recent photo from my phone: Koi pond at Mission San Juan Capistrano

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