Clinging to Hope

On seasons of wrestling and waiting

Summer is officially over for my family (even though the temps are just heating up). My kids started school today which brought one season to an end while initiating another. Summers for us always bring the sweet gift of a slower pace, extra family time, weekly beach days, and a little bit of travel. This year, the highlights included hiking along a creek with my husband and sitting on a log above the water while watching it flow beneath us, evening walks and bike rides with my family as the air cooled down, and watching my kids continue to grow braver and more comfortable on our kayak and paddle boards.

Amidst the goodness and beauty of the summer, the past few months have also held a lot of discouragement, wrestling, and weariness for me. Outwardly, everything is ok, but inwardly, there has been a lot to process. I’ve poured my heart out in my journal, in honest and sometimes angry prayers to God, in counseling, and in vulnerable conversations with people close to me. I don’t mean to sound dramatic because really I’m ok and yet I’m also learning to be honest about the ways that I’m not ok. I’m learning to let myself feel what I feel even when I can’t make sense of it. I’m learning to rely on what I know to be true even when I don’t experience it. I’m learning to trust that there is goodness to come even when I can’t see it.

To give you just a little glimpse of what’s been stirring in my heart and mind, here’s one of the poems from the summer archives of my journal…

Clinging to Hope

I’m clinging to hope
Trying to trust
That these dark clouds will pass
That light will once more
Illuminate the world around me
And the world within me
That there is a path
From where I am
To where I want to be
And one day I’ll look back to see
That each detour and stumbling block
That threatened to stop me in my tracks
Were simply part of the journey
Growing my resilience
Sharpening my skills
Increasing my faith
One day 
Perhaps I’ll see how it all connects
And I’ll be overcome with wonder
But for now 
I cling to hope
And try to trust
In what I cannot yet see

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I’m praying that as one season fades into the next that you are finding ways to be honest about what’s stirring inside you, to notice the beauty and goodness in your midst, and to cling to hope.